The advice I've seen most on adoption forums is to go with a small, local agency instead of the nation-wide ones. Mostly because you can get matched quicker and they don't (usually) charge the crazy fees that the bigger ones do.
I've searched and searched for an adoption agency in my area and I'm coming up empty handed, which shocks me. Like I've said, we live in the San Francisco Bay Area...I would think that we would have several choice for local agencies. It turns out that a big chunk of the agencies are devoted to either foster care or international adoption (which is not realistic for us).
In California, you can use an adoption facilitator to find a birth mother. They typically work with a smaller group of hopeful parents and their match times are fairly quick. They usually can charge a little less than an agency because they don't have such high overhead. To become an adoption facilitator, there are certain requirements, which you can find here (along with a list of facilitators in California). If you do not live in California, be aware that facilitators are not legal in every state.
I found a facilitator in the Bay Area and noticed on her website that she was trying to find a match for baby boy twins. Twins! Wouldn't that be fun to do again?! I had actually called her this past summer to discuss exactly what she did as a facilitator and found her to be very friendly and engaging. I excitedly called her...and called her...and called her. I think I called 7 times that day because no one answered; it kept going to voicemail. I did leave a message, but no one called back. I called the next day...three times. No answer. I sent an email. The third day I called and she finally answered!
I told her that I was calling about the birthmother with twins and she said, "what do you want to know?", almost annoyed that I was asking. So I asked a few questions, which she answered. She then asked about my family. When I told her I had three children, she said, "with so many children already, why on earth would anyone want another one?". I was taken aback by her response, but I chose to respond politely that we want a big family and it just hasn't worked out the old-fashioned way. She then asked, "do you have a big house or something?". "Um, no. Just a regular house," I told her, by now annoyed.
She said that she'd like to do a phone interview with my husband and me that would take 2-3 hours. Fine. And I'll have to send her lots of pictures of my family. Great. And I'll have to pay $950. For what? I asked. For the interview, she replied. On top of the $16,000 facilitation fee that she charges. Yeah, no thanks.
While I'm bummed that we won't be presented to the twins, I really can't see myself working with someone like that.
I called two other facilitators in California and had a much more pleasant experience, which was a relief. And we've even decided on one!
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